How Children Raise Parents Part 2

 

So maybe you are "snowed in" with your kids today. What a perfect opportunity to listen to what God wants to teach you through your children! So here are more insightful thoughts from How Children Raise Parents by Dan B. Allender.

-page 69: How we were parented directly affects how we ourselves parent. We respond to this in four common ways-"proving, seeking approval, fixing or paying back". Interesting chapter to read.

-"Our habit of minimizing today while idolizing tomorrow is deeply ingrained" page 85. I have had many conversations with other parents about this phenomenon. Why are we always waiting to get out of our current stage of parenting instead of embracing it?

-page 102: "We can't take our children any farther in life, relationship, and love than the point we have chosen to progress on our own and in our marriages. "

-page 131: "Our reliance on everything but grace  has us exhausted, worried, and secretly counting the days until our little cherubs are out of their diapers, or in school, our out of adolescence, or out of the house. "

And one final quote to leave you with: "We are to dream and pray and desire and speak to the possibilities that pain and tragedy and pleasure and glory will weave our children into beings who hunger to touch the face of God. "


This book will be on the Parent Resource bookshelf in the lower lobby on Sunday. Many times throughout the book I was moved to tears. Reading it has shifted how I have approached certain parenting situations throughout the day. I now look at these times as learning opportunities rather than inconveniences. And with that comes a lot of freedom! It's a great read, I recommend you check it out.

How Children Raise Parents Part 1

Last week I wrote about a book that offers a refreshing view on parenting. How Children Raise Parents by Dan Allender, Ph.D. has given me a lot of food for thought. As I was reading I jotted down a few thoughts from the book that have really made me stop and think. So here they are, what do you think?


-We choose our spouses, not our children. They are chosen for us.

-page 8: "Why is it so hard to believe that God intends our children to train us just as much as he intends us to train and guide our children? Why is it so inconceivable that God would design a child to be the best qualified human to thwart and shatter a parent's arrogance and self-righteousness?" hmmm, been there done that.

-page 30 :"When it comes to the questions parents ask, the Bible is not a detailed instruction manual. Instead, it's a wild poetic history of God's engagement with fallen humanity." So what's a parent to do? More to come on that later.

-Here's some encouragement for you on page 32: "God is the only perfect parent, and even his wise skills and unconditional love failed to keep his children [the children of Israel] from rebelling."

Children Help Us Grow

In the last post I challenged you think about your parenting through this lens:
What if the goal is to honor God in all we do as a parent? 

We have many relationships here on earth, and many roles involved in those relationships: mother, father, sister, brother, aunt, uncle, mom, dad. You get the idea. And God uses each of those relationships to teach us-both about ourselves and about Him and His character. So it goes without saying that God wants to teach you through your role as parent! Sometimes it's not about our kids, but what God is trying to share with us through our relationship with them.

I'm reading a great book that will eventually make it into our parent resource library. As soon as I get finished with it, that is! It's called How Children Raise Parents by Dan Allender and basically centers around this whole idea that God uses parenting to teach us. There are so many posts out there that include advice or tips on being a better parent. I've posted similar ones in the past. But here's a refreshing view looking at how God uses our children to help us grow.

Over the next week or two I'll share a couple of things that have struck me as I was reading. Hopefully you will find them thought provoking as well!

Speaking your child's love language

Have you ever noticed the bookshelf inside the lower lobby? That bookshelf holds a few books that you might find interesting. But it's hard to find time on Sunday mornings to browse through books, so from time to time I'm going to highlight one of them and let you know what it's about! Feel free to take one home and browse through it-there's a sign-out sheet located on the shelf. Use them as one more tool in your parenting toolbelt!

First up is one of my favorites for kids AND adults. When Bryan and I got engaged I read a book by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell that introduced the idea that everyone has a love language-a way in which they understand love the best. Basically they break it down into five languages:

Physical Touch: person feels love primarily through touch
Words of Affirmation:  person feels love primarily through words
Quality Time: person feels love primarily through spending time with them
Gifts: person feels love primarily through receiving gifts
Acts of Service: person feels love primarily through things done for them

I like to analyze things so I immediately got to work analyzing my love language as well as Bryan's (poor guy, he didn't stand a chance). I found the idea to be pretty true in our lives and was interested to recently find a version for children from the same authors titled The five Love Languages of Children.

I was a little skeptical at first, since children are obviously not adults and grow and change constantly. However I took a look and could definitely see my children in the love languages they talk about. Ben is all about quality time, has been since the day he was born. He would be perfectly happy to never have to be alone again-playing with mom and dad is his favorite thing to do. Knowing that this is his love language I try to "schedule" time to do nothing but play with him. Seeing his whole face light up in those moments makes it all worth it, even though it is inconvenient at times. Luke is young yet, but I can definitely see some pull towards physical touch. He loves to snuggle and is constantly hugging his brother and Bryan and I. It will be interesting to see if that changes at all as he gets older.

So where do you think your kids fall? The authors explain each love language in detail in the book,and also share some insightful thoughts connecting love languages to discipline and learning. It might be worth your while to check it out when you get a chance.