Raising Strong Men

Here it is, the post I promised yesterday about sons. As a mother of two boys I'm always trying to understand what makes my boys tick. Here's a little insight that hopefully resonates with all of you men out there.

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Author John Eldredge comes quite close to the truth, I think, when he says the question every young woman asks is “Am I captivating?” While the question every young man asks is “Do I have what it takes?”
Sure, we live in a culture where teenage boys shave their chests and tone muscles for hours on end in the gym. But I don’t think that’s where guys really rise and fall. Underneath our style (or lack of it, which is also a style) there is a question I think every man eventually asks:  Do I have what it takes?  Am I good enough? Do I measure up?

I think most men start out believing that this question can be answered by proving ourselves. So we:

strive to be the best on the team.

become an expert at something (from karate to chess club).

try to mark out our space  in the marketplace.

drive nice cars or buy toys that make us feel like we’re something (what lipstick is to a woman, cars, guns or toys are to a man – they make us feel complete…for a short while).

become dominant at something, even, sadly, if it means the only arena in which you are dominant is your home.

All of these things (and more) pretend to answer the question “Do I have what it takes”, but the older we get we realize that none of this is ultimately satisfying. That all of it leaves us empty on the other side. And after multiple conquests, we are still left unsatisfied.
And that’s where our use of power falls short. That’s where our understanding of strength fails. If that’s what it takes to be a man, we will always be boys.
So what is it that makes us men?
I think there may be more than one answer to the question, but here is mine.

Power is best exercised when used in service of others.

Left unchecked, us men most naturally use power to advance ourselves. But when we see power taught and modeled to use in the service of others, we realize that power is best used to serve others.
All of us know this instinctively:

It’s why we commend the man who holds the door open for those behind him.

It’s why we admire successful people known as much for their charity as their title.

It’s why we celebrate heros, who put themselves at risk to save the life of others.

It’s why people who aren’t even Christian admire Jesus, who laid down his life in service of others.

It’s how God uses his power. Maybe the key to being a man does indeed have something to do with power. More precisely, it’s about how we use power.
So how do you encourage boys and young men to use their power this way?

1. Model it. How do you as a dad serve your wife and children? How have they seen you use your power for their benefit? Do you use your strength and power to serve your wife, or do you rule over her?

2. Teach it. I had never heard this teaching until I was an adult. Explaining to your sons why power is best used can be a powerful shaper.

3. Practice it. Encourage your ten-year old to rake leaves for a senior adults neighbor (for free). If he’s a good student or athelete, have him come someone else who is struggling in that same area and befriend and encourage them.

4. Give something away. What you do (and they do) with money is critical. Surplus isn’t designed to fund excess. Share it with those in need.

Fathers [and mothers], if we can train our sons to use their power in service of others, we will indeed have raised strong men. What have you done to help your sons use their power to help others?

written by Carey Nieuwhof

Raising Beautiful Girls

I found two great posts by other bloggers I want to share with you. Refreshing reminders of how to share with our sons and daughters how unique they are-not based on the world's standards, but based on the fact that they are made by our Heavenly Father! Today I'm sharing the post on daughters-tomorrow I'll share the post on sons.

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I have three girls. When they were little I was all about the hair bows, the ruffled socks, and the cute shoes. I loved getting them ready for the day. They were so cute!

It was so easy back then.  I thought they were beautiful. Their daddy thought they were beautiful. In their little world, who else mattered?

Ah, but little girls grow up. They become sixth graders. Have you ever met a sixth grade little girl? They are just beautiful. They are gangly and unique. They are natural and fresh. They are awkward and wearing braces. They are stuck between a little girl and all grown up.
Like I said, they’re beautiful.
I remember like it was yesterday when my daughter, who is now 18, was in sixth grade. She used to get ready for school in my bathroom every morning.
One morning she was fixing her hair. She first put it up in a ponytail, then huffed in disgust, and took down. Then she curled it. Then she straightened it. Then she pulled it back. She was getting more and more frustrated with her hair. I offered to help.
She said, “Mom, I hate my hair.” I couldn’t believe my ears. This was my kid who was born with a full head of beautiful dark hair. Total strangers would stop me to tell me how beautiful her hair was. She undeniably had the most beautiful hair in our family, and yet when she looked in the mirror, she hated her hair.
Clearly she was not seeing what I saw.
Our girls need us to reflect back to them the truth about who they are. There is so much more to them than what they look like. They were created to be so much more than a pretty face. But this world works against them. It reflects something totally different back to them.
In the eyes of the world, our girls don’t measure up. They aren’t thin enough, tall enough, or beautiful enough.
Very few women make it through those early years completely unscathed. But if our girls are to grow up and thrive with confidence in spite of the standards of this world, they need our help.
Here are a few ideas:

Recognize and praise their non-appearance strengths.
Are they a fast runner, a great friend, a creative writer, or an excellent dancer? Celebrate the qualities that make them unique.

Encourage and teach them how to take care of themselves.
Teach them that they need to get enough rest, exercise, eat right, shower, take care of their skin, and brush their teeth. When these things are lacking, it takes a toll on their confidence.

Don’t allow yourself to obsess, publically talk about, or criticize the physical flaws of your girls.
As moms we can be the worst. Imagine a mom talking to Aunt Betty….“Have you seen Sarah’s front tooth? It sticks way out in the front and it’s huge!” We look at it like it’s a medical or dental issue to be taken care of. Braces are a good thing! We have to remember that our words are a reflection back to our daughters of how we view them.

Celebrate uniqueness.
Point out the unique qualities that you see in them that make them special. We all know that young girl who looks ordinary to the average observer, but when she smiles, the whole room lights up. Point out and celebrate the differences more than you celebrate the sameness.

Teach your daughter from the beginning that God made them.
What if your daughter grew up believing that the God of the universe who created her uniquely knew her by name, had a plan for her life, and loved her? How would this change the way that she viewed herself and her purpose in this world?

Some of our girls will struggle with this more than others. It’s our job as parents to keep reflecting back to them a healthy and true sense of who they are and who God created them to be.

written by Kendra Fleming

Movie Review-Real Steel

Your child hears about a movie from a friend and wants to watch it. Or sees a movie advertised on tv and is determined to see it.

So begins the parenting duty of determining which movies are acceptable for your child to watch. Here on our kidSPACE blog we are going to start collecting reviews of movies our children want to see. I will attempt to find faith based reviews of some of the most popular movies kids want to see so you have some tools in your toolbelt when you go to make your viewing decisions.

And by no means am I the most up to date individual when it comes to movies and what kids are watching. So please comment or drop me a line if there is a particular movie you would like to know about, or one you have seen that would be a good choice for families.

First up is Real Steel, which is in theatres now.

Rating: PG-13 (for some violence, intense action and brief language)
Genre: Action, Adventure, Sports, Drama
Run Time: 127 min.
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Being a boxer in the year 2020 is no picnic. When the boxing biz banned all flesh-and-blood bouts and turned to 1,000 lb robot battles, it certainly gave fans more bang for the buck, but it left Charlie Kenton hanging.

Instead of being a contender, Charlie's relegated to being a nobody who's left to cart a jury-rigged contraption of a robot to rinky-dink county fairs. And then, when his mech is dismantled and demolished by a gigantic bull, he loses even that small hold on his life.

What's next? Well, the news that his ex-girlfriend has passed away and he's the sole guardian of their son, Max. Not that Charlie would even know the kid's name. He's never met the 11-year-old. And he doesn't really want to have anything to do with him now.

Except.

Maybe.

Make some money off him. It's seems Max's aunt wants to take charge of the kid. And her rich husband will even fork over a substantial under-the-table payoff if Charlie will sign over his parental rights. Oh, and keep the boy for the summer so they don't have to give up their fancy vacation.

That suits Charlie just fine. Maybe he can stick the kid with his current girlfriend for a few months. And if not, well, what's the harm in letting the lad tag along on the battlebot circuit? After all, the money's he's making off the deal makes it possible to buy another mech.

CAUTIONS:

• Drugs/Alcohol: Social drinking, plus Charlie has empty beer bottles all over the floor of his trailer.
• Language/Profanity: Less than most PG-13 movies, but there are a couple of instances of sh-- (once it’s Max who says it), da--, as-, bit--, plus several exclamations of God’s name.
• Sex/Nudity: Some passionate kissing. A couple of scenes with women in skimpy-ish attire.
• Thematic Material: Max’s mother died, and his dad wants very little to do with him at first. Max also discovers that his dad was paid to sign him over to his aunt and uncle.
• Violence: Most of the violence involves stylized battles between robots in the boxing ring. The clash of metal on metal is similar to what goes down in a regular boxing match. Charlie and Max also attend some underground fights that are rather rowdy. Charlie gets beat up for not paying a gambling debt, and Max is right there as it’s all going down. In a scene that’s more scary than violent, Max falls from a high spot but is saved at the last minute.

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Reviewed by Christa Banister and Bob Hoose
Focus on the Family and Crosswalk.com

Funny Friday

This is self explanatory. :)

Dominos

Do you remember the days of Dominos as a kid?  After setting up the dominos in a line, one tiny push of the first domino would start a long cascading effect.

Here’s some ideas for launching a domino effect in your family (courtesy of allpro dad):

1.     Eliminate television during family meal times:

Have some conversation starters in your pocket. Require participation. Nobody leaves till the parents say the meal is over. More family time, plus less media equals win-win.

2.     Spend five one-on-one, undistracted minutes with each child, every day:

This will soon become one of your favorite activities, and it will grow. It’s a family relationship primer.  Use the kidSPACE take-home paper and you are building a relationship with them and helping them build a relationship with God.

3.     Go to each child’s room after they’re asleep, put your hand on their head, and pray for them.

4.     Plan and then implement one random act of kindness, targeting your wife, once a week, for the next three months:

OK, so it’s not random if you plan it. But the others will be. This one will grow also.

5.     Write a short sentence of encouragement and affirmation for each member of your family (wife, children), then post it in a place they can’t miss:

Some things need to be said out loud, and often. “I love you.” “You are an awesome kid.” “I’m so glad I’m your dad.” “I still get misty-eyed when I think that you chose to marry me….”

Opportunity

Being the children's director at Millersville definitely has its advantages. I look over the curriculum each month for kidSPACE so I have the privilege of knowing in detail what my child is learning about each month. And I have been pleasantly surpised many times to hear him refer to stories or concepts he is learning about in his everyday conversations with me. So when I hear them, I make sure to put them to good use by talking with him even more about the stories or helping him think through what they mean for his life. And if I didn't know what he was learning about, I would completely miss out on all of those opportunities.

I do not want you to miss out on these opportunities. So today I'm going to share with you how you can find out what your child is learning about in kidSPACE, just in case you didn't already know! The easiest way is to look at the monthly take home papers that are sent home the first week of each month. All ages have one, and it states the theme, bible verse, and specific bible stories kids learn about each week. If you miss the first week, there are extras hanging on the bulletin board in the preschool hallway.

Another way to find out is through this blog! Each month I will give a brief intro of the monthly themes and bible verses. Use this information to expand on what your child is learning in kidSPACE. It's an opportunity you will not want to miss!

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Preschool: Fantastically Made is the theme for our preschoolers this month. We want our preschoolers to know without a doubt that their heavenly Father made them and adores them. We want our preschoolers to know that God made them wonderfully. He made them with a plan and a purpose. He made them to praise Him. God made them, each and every one of them. We want our preschoolers to know that they are unique and special creations and that God loves them oh, so much. It's going to be a great month!

Elementary: The theme for this month? Creativity! The apostle Paul wrote about it this way. He said, “We are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” We are created by a creative God. He’s imparted some of His own creativity into us, so that we are a remarkable and creative species.

But what does all of this mean? We are creative, but so what? It means that we have creative minds which enable us to solve problems and lead others to accomplish remarkable tasks. It means that we have creative hands that can make art and music and write stories. It also means that we have a unique ability to use our creativity to make a difference in this world by helping others. So this month, we want to help them discover the creativity that God has given them, and find a way to put this remarkable creativity into practice.