How Children Raise Parents Part 2

 

So maybe you are "snowed in" with your kids today. What a perfect opportunity to listen to what God wants to teach you through your children! So here are more insightful thoughts from How Children Raise Parents by Dan B. Allender.

-page 69: How we were parented directly affects how we ourselves parent. We respond to this in four common ways-"proving, seeking approval, fixing or paying back". Interesting chapter to read.

-"Our habit of minimizing today while idolizing tomorrow is deeply ingrained" page 85. I have had many conversations with other parents about this phenomenon. Why are we always waiting to get out of our current stage of parenting instead of embracing it?

-page 102: "We can't take our children any farther in life, relationship, and love than the point we have chosen to progress on our own and in our marriages. "

-page 131: "Our reliance on everything but grace  has us exhausted, worried, and secretly counting the days until our little cherubs are out of their diapers, or in school, our out of adolescence, or out of the house. "

And one final quote to leave you with: "We are to dream and pray and desire and speak to the possibilities that pain and tragedy and pleasure and glory will weave our children into beings who hunger to touch the face of God. "


This book will be on the Parent Resource bookshelf in the lower lobby on Sunday. Many times throughout the book I was moved to tears. Reading it has shifted how I have approached certain parenting situations throughout the day. I now look at these times as learning opportunities rather than inconveniences. And with that comes a lot of freedom! It's a great read, I recommend you check it out.

How Children Raise Parents Part 1

Last week I wrote about a book that offers a refreshing view on parenting. How Children Raise Parents by Dan Allender, Ph.D. has given me a lot of food for thought. As I was reading I jotted down a few thoughts from the book that have really made me stop and think. So here they are, what do you think?


-We choose our spouses, not our children. They are chosen for us.

-page 8: "Why is it so hard to believe that God intends our children to train us just as much as he intends us to train and guide our children? Why is it so inconceivable that God would design a child to be the best qualified human to thwart and shatter a parent's arrogance and self-righteousness?" hmmm, been there done that.

-page 30 :"When it comes to the questions parents ask, the Bible is not a detailed instruction manual. Instead, it's a wild poetic history of God's engagement with fallen humanity." So what's a parent to do? More to come on that later.

-Here's some encouragement for you on page 32: "God is the only perfect parent, and even his wise skills and unconditional love failed to keep his children [the children of Israel] from rebelling."

Children Help Us Grow

In the last post I challenged you think about your parenting through this lens:
What if the goal is to honor God in all we do as a parent? 

We have many relationships here on earth, and many roles involved in those relationships: mother, father, sister, brother, aunt, uncle, mom, dad. You get the idea. And God uses each of those relationships to teach us-both about ourselves and about Him and His character. So it goes without saying that God wants to teach you through your role as parent! Sometimes it's not about our kids, but what God is trying to share with us through our relationship with them.

I'm reading a great book that will eventually make it into our parent resource library. As soon as I get finished with it, that is! It's called How Children Raise Parents by Dan Allender and basically centers around this whole idea that God uses parenting to teach us. There are so many posts out there that include advice or tips on being a better parent. I've posted similar ones in the past. But here's a refreshing view looking at how God uses our children to help us grow.

Over the next week or two I'll share a couple of things that have struck me as I was reading. Hopefully you will find them thought provoking as well!

What is Your Parenting Focus?

Happy New Year everyone! I hope you all had a wonderful holiday and are making easy adjustments back into your normal routines. It's sad to see the holidays go, but there's something I enjoy about getting back to "normal" as well.

Over the holidays I had a chance to think about my parenting a bit more than normal. Ben didn't have preschool so being with both boys 24-7 will do that to you! I have been reading some articles and books recently that have challenged how I view my role as parent. So many times as I'm parenting I focus on my kids, and what I can do to change THEIR behavior. How I can encourage them to choose healthy behaviors, make wise choices, etc. etc. Not that these are bad goals, but many times I think I've got it all wrong. Because I can't control how they behave, I get angry when they choose a wrong behavior and then sometimes I get angry with myself and my response to them during those times. And the cycle goes on and on.

What if the ultimate goal in parenting is not to transform our children into perfect models of respect and discipline? What if the goal is to honor God in all we do as a parent? 

It's only a slight shift in emphasis, but the consequences of that shift are enormous. Take some time to let that sink in. More to come on this topic later in the week, so stay tuned!