In the first part of exploring discipline I introduced an alternative to spankings and time-outs called logical consequences. You may use other forms of discipline that work for you as well. But sometimes you make regular requests of your child that you KNOW will be met with resistance. Maybe they're playing with something and it's time to leave or eat dinner. Or maybe it's soon time to clean up and get ready for bed. These can be frustrating times if you don't have a plan for dealing with them!
Some parents use counting, and I have used that fairly consistently. The nice thing about counting is it makes you follow through with what you're saying, because when the countdown is done action needs to happen! But some parents don't like that method. So here's another option that uses a four step approach, taken from the same book I mentioned before, Just Tell Me What to Say by Betsy Brown Braun.
1) Forewarning: It can be hard for a child to stop what they are doing, especially if it is something they love. So before you are ready to leave, have dinner, go to bed, etc. give them a warning. And walk over to them and get on their level to deliver the warning. Yelling doesn't always work. :) Give them a specific time frame i.e. "In five minutes, we are going to eat dinner so it will be time to stop playing with your Legos."
2) It's Time: When the time is up, go over to your child and tell them it's time. Give them a few moments to transition. Most kids won't jump up immediately.
3) Deliver the Threat, Just Once: Clearly state the consequence that will follow if action is not taken. For example " If you stop now and come to the table you will eat with the family. If you do not, you will eat by yourself in your room." or "You will eat by yourself in the kitchen when we are done." Just name your consequence. If you have never done this before, your child will probably not make a move. If that happens, then...
4) Lower the Boom: Follow through with your threat. If your child wanders into the kitchen five minutes later, it's too late. Be prepared, this usually results in a major tantrum that will ruin everyone's dinner. The good news? It most likely won't happen more than one more time if you're consistent.
5) Revisit: I think this is the most important step, so don't skip it! After all of the previous events are over and your child is calm once again, take some time to sit down with him or her and talk about what happened. Review what choices were made and what could have been done differently. This is a powerful tool for future behavior!
So there you have it, another approach to everyday requests you may have for your child that could be met with resistance. If you have any other techniques that work well for your family, please share them with all of us!
Some parents use counting, and I have used that fairly consistently. The nice thing about counting is it makes you follow through with what you're saying, because when the countdown is done action needs to happen! But some parents don't like that method. So here's another option that uses a four step approach, taken from the same book I mentioned before, Just Tell Me What to Say by Betsy Brown Braun.
1) Forewarning: It can be hard for a child to stop what they are doing, especially if it is something they love. So before you are ready to leave, have dinner, go to bed, etc. give them a warning. And walk over to them and get on their level to deliver the warning. Yelling doesn't always work. :) Give them a specific time frame i.e. "In five minutes, we are going to eat dinner so it will be time to stop playing with your Legos."
2) It's Time: When the time is up, go over to your child and tell them it's time. Give them a few moments to transition. Most kids won't jump up immediately.
3) Deliver the Threat, Just Once: Clearly state the consequence that will follow if action is not taken. For example " If you stop now and come to the table you will eat with the family. If you do not, you will eat by yourself in your room." or "You will eat by yourself in the kitchen when we are done." Just name your consequence. If you have never done this before, your child will probably not make a move. If that happens, then...
4) Lower the Boom: Follow through with your threat. If your child wanders into the kitchen five minutes later, it's too late. Be prepared, this usually results in a major tantrum that will ruin everyone's dinner. The good news? It most likely won't happen more than one more time if you're consistent.
5) Revisit: I think this is the most important step, so don't skip it! After all of the previous events are over and your child is calm once again, take some time to sit down with him or her and talk about what happened. Review what choices were made and what could have been done differently. This is a powerful tool for future behavior!
So there you have it, another approach to everyday requests you may have for your child that could be met with resistance. If you have any other techniques that work well for your family, please share them with all of us!
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